I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
