Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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