Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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