i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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