And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
