I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
