Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize