you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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