I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
