my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
