I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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