She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
