I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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