just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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