The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize