did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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