you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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