are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
