oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
