I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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