I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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