Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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