they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
