I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
