Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
