you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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