before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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