I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
