I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
