You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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