I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
