we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
