I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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