I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
