some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize