someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize