like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
