I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
