nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
