so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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