it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
