So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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