so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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