You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
