Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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