i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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