Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
