I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
