The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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