i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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