Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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