I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
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Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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