I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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