I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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