No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
