I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
