I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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