Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
