One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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