I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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