Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
