lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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