guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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