Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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