i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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